Two nights ago, I had the most disturbing dream ever. Of course I know that you will sometimes dream of the last thing you did before you slept, but this just didn't really make sense. Two nights ago, I posted on WCG before I fell asleep, when I awoke, I realized I had a dream about one of the trolls on WCG. I had not talked to him that night, nor did I think about him before I fell asleep, yet I had a very strange dream that concerned him. Like always, he was being very hateful towards me online, nothing new, but suddenly the scene changed and I was in my living room with him. He was laying on my couch and I was standing when he suddenly admitted his love for me, he then pulled me towards him and caressed me and kissed me. If dreams have meanings, I have no idea what this one meant. I awoke sweating and disturbed because I fear him and I know he hates me (no idea why).
The reason why I fear him is because he has the nerd ability to track down everything I do on the internet, he just flat out scares me how obsessive he is with my life. I know that he is not obsessive because he likes me, he's obsessive because he likes to hurt me, he likes to be a troll. I've seen pictures of him and I can tell you right now, he's not someone I'd leave my husband for, yet I have this new attraction to him. He hates me and I'm not fond of him, why should I be attracted to him? I am so confused by this shit, it's no doubt fucking with my head... I have always tried to be corgel with him, I've never fought with him, I just want to be his friend. For someone that hates me, I shouldn't feel anything but hatred for him, but I can't.
That dream has changed more than anyone would think, I CAN'T sleep and I can't think, not without thinking of him. He's not horrible looking but he's not my typical sexy. So why can't I stop thinking about him in a sexual way? Why can't I stop trying to be his friend? I've know him for 3 years or so from various websites and his attitude towards me has never changed, he acts like he hates me, but I feel attracted to him.... I want to just shoot myself for saying that, this is just stupid and disgustingly wrong... WTF is going on with me? The seduction of the dream, the softness of his hands on my body in the dream, the sweetness of his kiss in my dream. I felt secure, happy, and relieved in my dream... How is that remotely possible with a guy like him? I'm disgusted. How should I deal with this, how can I interpret this? Help me before I go insane....
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