Letting Down My Guard

Tension in the air, I feel his eyes peering through me
Is this hate or is this lust, I'm growing weary
I don't know what to say, I'm struck with fear
My mind is clouded, nothing is clear

He scoots closer to me, that look still in his eyes
I jump, startled, I want to cry
His hand touches my thigh, he leans in
Unsure of what to do, I gently place my fingers on his chin

Caressing his jawline, I become more self aware
I want to kiss him, do I dare?
Struck with a fearful lust, I let him lean in
He has a mischievous grin

His hand rises higher on my thigh
Chills travel up my spine
The softness of his lips, the scent of his skin
There is so much to be said, I don't know where to begin

My body temperature rises, my groin begins to swell
His kisses become more forceful, my body is wanting to yell
He pushes me on the couch, putting his weight on top of me
There's no wiggling to get free

He begins to kiss my neck, my body aches for pleasure
Droplets of sweat begin to form, together our temperature I could not measure
He takes his shirt off, revealing his strength
I can see the bulge in his pants, I can tell its length

I'm eager for him to just take me
He stops to stare at me, my eagerness he can see
He unbuttons my pants and slides them off towards the floor
Knowing where this is leading, I look at the door

The door is unlocked but I'm so immersed
He caresses my body so well, like he has rehearsed
With his pants now off, I'm perplexed by the size
He pushes his member against my groin, I'm mesmerized

He inserts his finger, making me let out a moan
My horniness is beginning to grow
He knows I'm ready, I'm waiting
There's only passion now, no more hating

He suddenly slides inside me, there's a struggle at first
He's bigger than I expected, I think I might burst
I can feel the heat around us, his heat on my skin
I'm not religious but lust is the best sin

Deeper and deeper he thrusts
My nails dig in his back, he tries to ajust
I won't let him go, he's so deep inside
"Harder!" I cry

With bated breath, he thrusts and thrusts
I'm waiting for him to bust
I can hear the sloshing as he goes in and out
That turns me on, I start to shout

I scream his name, my back is arched
He kisses me, my mouth is parched
With one final deep thrust, I feel warmth inside of me
I'm in ecstasy, I can't see

Sweat dripping from his head down to mine
The sex was so good, it should be a crime
Through his chest I feel his heart
I feel no fear for a start

Inside he lingers still, unwilling to let flow our spoils
From now on, to him I've become loyal
From hate to fear, to lust
With him I can now trust

He touches my face with his hand once more
Then he puts on his pants and walks out the door
Where did he go, what does this mean?
............ Was it all just a dream?

A disturbing dream

Two nights ago, I had the most disturbing dream ever. Of course I know that you will sometimes dream of the last thing you did before you slept, but this just didn't really make sense. Two nights ago, I posted on WCG before I fell asleep, when I awoke, I realized I had a dream about one of the trolls on WCG. I had not talked to him that night, nor did I think about him before I fell asleep, yet I had a very strange dream that concerned him. Like always, he was being very hateful towards me online, nothing new, but suddenly the scene changed and I was in my living room with him. He was laying on my couch and I was standing when he suddenly admitted his love for me, he then pulled me towards him and caressed me and kissed me. If dreams have meanings, I have no idea what this one meant. I awoke sweating and disturbed because I fear him and I know he hates me (no idea why).

 The reason why I fear him is because he has the nerd ability to track down everything I do on the internet, he just flat out scares me how obsessive he is with my life. I know that he is not obsessive because he likes me, he's obsessive because he likes to hurt me, he likes to be a troll. I've seen pictures of him and I can tell you right now, he's not someone I'd leave my husband for, yet I have this new attraction to him. He hates me and I'm not fond of him, why should I be attracted to him? I am so confused by this shit, it's no doubt fucking with my head... I have always tried to be corgel with him, I've never fought with him, I just want to be his friend. For someone that hates me, I shouldn't feel anything but hatred for him, but I can't.

That dream has changed more than anyone would think, I CAN'T sleep and I can't think, not without thinking of him. He's not horrible looking but he's not my typical sexy. So why can't I stop thinking about him in a sexual way? Why can't I stop trying to be his friend? I've know him for 3 years or so from various websites and his attitude towards me has never changed, he acts like he hates me, but I feel attracted to him.... I want to just shoot myself for saying that, this is just stupid and disgustingly wrong... WTF is going on with me? The seduction of the dream, the softness of his hands on my body in the dream, the sweetness of his kiss in my dream. I felt secure, happy, and relieved in my dream... How is that remotely possible with a guy like him? I'm disgusted. How should I deal with this, how can I interpret this?  Help me before I go insane....